What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
