Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
