I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
