On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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