Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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