I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
