just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
