recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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