I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
