This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
