I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
