Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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