well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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