You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize