if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
