I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Randomize
