So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
