can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
