he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
