She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize