I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize