porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just blew my weed a kiss
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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