Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have post one night stand depression
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
