Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
