as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
