Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
