apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
