Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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