yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
