oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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