Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
