JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
