Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
