my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
