Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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