I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You smell like stripper and shame
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
