If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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