some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
