if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
