his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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