Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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