hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
