NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
