just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
