She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
