I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
