thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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