Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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