I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
