I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
