Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
