"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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