hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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