Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
