I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
