3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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