We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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