So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
