So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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