I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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