you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
