i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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