i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
