If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there is glitter all over my balls
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