do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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