so explain again why im purple
no
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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