Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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