Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
