What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize