I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's never too late to be topless.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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