Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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